Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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