Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
