I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
