she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
