Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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