I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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