I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
