So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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