I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
