I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
