I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Randomize
