Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
