The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
