omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
