So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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