How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize