He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
