brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
