Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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