So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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