in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
