He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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