so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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