Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he thought i was a dude.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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