I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
