I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
