just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
