Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
this boner is exhausting
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
