i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
