I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
