Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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