it hurts more in the daytime
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
