Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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