Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
