I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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