you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
