Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
