For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
