Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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