We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
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The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
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you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.