well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.