the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
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My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
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there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself