Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
