No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand