he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.