you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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