He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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