Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
