It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
