Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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