I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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