yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i think i have two assholes
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.