Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Fuck appropriateness.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
3 2 1 whiskey
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
