my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
