I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
