im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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