I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
