she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
