So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
