There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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