Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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