I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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