New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
