Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
