Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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