are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
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3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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